Shopping HOV lane

December 21, 2007 | Whinging

I’m having a fashion crisis. I need more work clothes BADLY. It’s so hard to put together five work appropriate outfits every week. You need ten, really, to last two weeks, so that you don’t re-wear things too often. I’m ashamed to admit that in my desperation, today I’m wearing a black turtleneck sweater that I wore on Monday. A sad state, indeed.

But since the malls are all crammed with stressy Christmas shoppers, I’ve been unable to do anything about my crisis. This is why I wish there was an express lane for people who are NOT Christmas shopping. I wish you could just cruise through the aisles, and in a business-like voice announce,

“EXCUSE ME. Excuse me. Coming through. I’m not Christmas shopping. I just need a fucking shirt.”

Let it be noted…

November 29, 2007 | Whinging

I know I said I wouldn’t complain about my commute anymore after I got my Prius but yesterday’s commute, I feel, must be recorded for posterity’s sake.

Firstly, allow me to share my new fitness plan. These commutes are keeping me from getting back to Tacoma in time for the 6:30 Bikram class. My new plan is to get up at 5:30 (Oh my god), leave the house at 6:30, get to Workplace by 8ish, then get to leave at 4pm. If all goes according to plan, I can make it to my new Bikram place in Bellevue by 4:30. If I can’t make the 5-minutes-without-traffic-distance in time, then theoretically, I will make it back to Tacoma in time for the 6:30 class.

I believe I deserve some sort of commendation for getting up so early in the name of fitness. I know grown-ups have been getting up this early for ages and that my teacher friends have no sympathy, but this is VERY early for me.

Day one worked splendidly! I enjoyed having a bit of a yoga field trip and getting to experience a different studio. Then, to my great delight, the traffic wasn’t so bad afterwards, and I got home around 7pm. So, I was home only about a half hour later than usual, but I had sat in less traffic and been to yoga! Yay me!

Day two of my new regime was yesterday. It did not go so well. The 5-minutes-without-traffic-distance took a WHOLE HOUR, so obviously I didn’t make it to the Bellevue class. No problem, thought I, the Tacoma class will have to do. Unfortunately, I did not make it to that class, either, because I didn’t make it back to Tacoma until 6:40pm.

SIX. FORTY. PEE. EM.

That’s two hours and forty minutes in the car.

I’m not whining. Just recording. I would like to note, however, that in that amount of time, I could have driven to Salem, OR or Vancouver BC. Just sayin’.

Workplace is safe from terrorists

October 12, 2007 | Whinging

Something really irritating just happened at work and SB isn’t answering his cell and I must vent. Lucky you!

So, as in many workplaces these days, you can’t go through most doors without swiping your ID badge. You are not supposed to let others go through the door with you without swiping their cards, too. It happens all the time though, especially when the person “tailgating” has a visible badge or looks like your average nerd, and not a threat to security.

Just now, this guy was walking about 10 feet in front of me towards an entrance. I was coming back from the cafeteria with a precariously balanced plate of food. He was wrestling with an out of control 4 year old. The kid had run up to the door and was hanging upside down from the handles and kicking the glass, while the guy yelled, “Get off the door. Get off the door. Get off the door” I caught up to him while he removed the child from the handles, and attempted to follow him through the door. I was carrying the plate of food, and besides, this particular door was only going to get me into the lobby, I would have to swipe again to get into the building, which I planned to do, once I was past the dude and his monkey child. He stopped in the doorway, looked right at my badge and asked me to swipe it all rude- like.

Dude! You are LOOKING at my badge! I have a plate of food and you have an out of control kid to manage and you feel the need to follow door regulations?

I said something about my plate and that I would be sure to swipe at the next door, communicating with my tone that I thought he was an idiot.

That is all. I feel as if I have failed to convey how annoying this scene actually was. I feel better now, though.

Whatever.

August 23, 2007 | Whinging

So, I got online with a completely different post in mind, but I was distracted by this on the msn homepage: 

See the pretty lady? Is that Catherine Zeta Jones?

Let’s see what those words read before I sloppily erased them with paint:

Are you kidding me? GAH! This is so freaking annoying.

I’m *not* going to BlogHer.

July 24, 2007 | We Are Family, Whinging

You may recall last year when I jetted off, all brave and alone, for a women’s blogging conference called BlogHer. I had a fantastic time, as documented here, here, and here, and I was determined to return. It’s in Chicago this year, with discounted rooms at the fabulously chic W Hotel, and conference events taking place at the Navy Pier.

Our original plan was for SB to come with me, and then afterwards we would go visit his family and hometown in Indiana, for my first time. Well… that’s not happening anymore.

SB’s family has a grand tradition of spectacularly abusing family members on their big birthdays. They’ve gone so far as to have coffins delivered to each other’s homes, hired New Orleans-style funeral processions, and delivered eulogies at birthday parties. I’ve never been a part of this, but about 3 months ago, top secret emails began circling amongst the troops concerning SB’s Dad’s 60th birthday.

It was decided that there would be a surprise birthday party on Saturday night. Here is where the exhausting subterfuge comes in. We had already told them we were coming to visit, arriving on Sunday after BlogHer. When the family set the date of the party, I had to decide which I would rather do. I eventually decided that the family event was more important (sigh) and that I didn’t want to miss it. So. SB’s Dad thinks we are arriving on Sunday, when in fact we are arriving on Friday night, SB’s sister and favorite aunt in tow. The others have the luxury of being surprise guests, but poor SB has had to keep all these facts straight about when exactly we are arriving, having to invent rental cars and routes from Chicago.

So, whine, whine, whine*, I’m no longer going to BlogHer, but I do get to take part in the family shenanigans and get to see where SB grew up (before moving to the armpit of Washington in high school, getting a music scholarship in Tacoma and the rest is history). He is very excited to show me the log cabin in the woods that his parents built during their hippie stage and before their messy divorce. Apparently, there are mystical creatures there, such as lightening bugs and bullfrogs, and one can hunt for geodes as well, all things I’ve never seen.

But that’s not all the exoticness that Indiana holds….

On Sunday, SB and I will accompany his Dad to the Brickyard 400. That’s right. Nascar, baby. I’m actually pretty excited about it. I’m thinking of it like an anthropological study. Republicans in their natural habitat.

When I first heard of this event, I asked SB’s aunt, “The Brickyard 400? Is that like the Indianapolis 500?” and she said, “Oh no, this is much more white trash.”

Huh?

So, SB, his aunt, and I will be biting our tongues and observing the God Bless America fest of cars driving in a circle, so as not to mar the experience for those who enjoy it. I hope no one can smell the liberal snobbiness emanating from my every pore**! 

____________

*One last whine while I’m at it. It cost a MILIION dollars for our tickets to stinking Indiana, and it is impossible to fly direct from Seattle. With the time and cost involved, we could have gone to Europe.

**If I have offended any Nascar fans (or Republicans), I apologize. I just don’t get it. Maybe you could help me to understand the allure?

Dear weather gods,

July 20, 2007 | Whinging

I’m tired of the raining. Please stop it. It’s mid July, for crying out loud. It was nice and refreshing for a day or two, but now, I’m over it.

Thanks so much,

 Jenny

Happiness Hangover

July 18, 2007 | FUN!, Whinging

Over the weekend, I threw a going away party for some friends who are moving to Hong Kong. People came from far and wide, as far away as New York, to attend the festivities. This resulted in a group of people who are hardly ever all in one place. My stomach is still sore from all the laughing, the never ending shit-slinging.

On saturday night, NINE PEOPLE spent the night. Though one poor person had to sleep on a love seat, no one was on the floor. It was so wonderful to have a house full of people I love and miss so much. You could go anywhere and find another lovely friend to hang out with. Wander out to the patio? Fun friends! The kitchen? Friends! Upstairs? A friend to join for a quiet moment.

The older we get, the times when we are all together get fewer and further between. (By “all” I certainly don’t mean ALL. There were definitely many special friends absent from this gathering.) At times, I would look around at everyone, laughing, smiling, mothering, telling stories, and my heart felt like it was going to burst.

My friend Jesse is an amazing photographer and she took some great shots that day. They’re so good, it almost looks like maybe I hired someone to shoot it, like a wedding or something. Here is a link to the set.

And, just like a wedding, I totally have weekend let-down. I’ve realized that we were preparing for this party for weeks and weeks, getting the house and yard ready. All of a sudden, I’m aware that I didn’t think much about the rest of the summer after this event. It doesn’t help that after weeks of lovely weather, it’s rainy again, the grey skies matching my mood.

Here it is, Wednesday, and I’m still feeling gloomy. I know I should just be thankful for all of my friends. I AM very aware of how blessed I am, how lucky I am to get to know and love so many wonderful people.

But why does everyone have to live so far apart? 

Such is the life of a contract worker in the IT field…

May 18, 2007 | Geekly Aspirations, Whinging

So… remember how, like, FIVE MINUTES ago I started a new job? Yeah, well, it’s over already.

June is the end of my six month contract and the group I am working for has decided not to make anymore websites. So, they obviously no longer need any web production staff.

I am not freaking out. I’ve been assured by numerous folks that this is just how it works. SB has been doing this for longer than I have, and has been in this position many times, and it always works out.

So now I have to find a new job. (This is where I start to freak out a little) While I clearly have more experience now than I did the last time someone hired me, I’m still REALLY afraid of having to convince someone that I can do their work. I didn’t have to interview for my last position, but I probably will next time. Six months of working in the tech industry has only taught me how much I DON’T know. I have absolutely NO ability to fake it. It’s not like it’s an office-y position where you can throw in a few words like “synergy” and “collaboration” and make it sound like you now what you’re doing. In this field, everyone speaks in TLAs (Three Letter Acronyms) and the first time I trip over one of those in a sentence, my eyes glaze over a little bit, the voice in my head starts screaming, ‘HELP! WTF is he talking about!?!?’ and I start to sweat.

Okay, so assuming I CAN convince someone to hire me, then I actually have to DO the work. On this project, I was fortunate enough to have a lot of hand holding and someone I could call with my questions. My new job might be with a different vendor company, so I can hardly keep calling my friend from my current company for help. There will be a new boss and new things to find out I don’t know. But, I guess that’s getting ahead of myself.

I’m just bummed because while I was waiting for a project, I felt like an unemployed loser who needed to get her shit in a pile. Then I started the job, and I spent the first two months crying about how scary it was and how stupid I felt. The last two months, I’ve started to feel like, hey! I can do this! I’m SO COOL. And now, back to square one.

It took this picture in the car the other day. I was sitting in traffic, using my dorky bluetooth headset, having a meeting with the marketing manager of Europe, a Brit who sometimes says fun Britt-y things that make my day. I took the picture because I couldn’t believe my life and what I was actually doing. A couple of hours later, I was told I was about to be unemployed. Strikes and gutters, man.

I’ll keep you all posted on the job search. I’ve decided not to begin the joy that is resume composition/turd polishing until next week.

Trying to be zen about it

May 15, 2007 | Whinging

Who feels me on the traffic woes? Anybody? I got 1.15 – 2 hours. Whatchoo got?

Going nowhere fast.

Thank god there’s this.

On the plus side, I’m all up on current events. I hear NPR’s morning material in it’s entirety. Anyone else a big fan of Bird Note? I love the theme song.

Sometimes you can make up a game. Ooh! Connect Four.

I need some help people. Anybody have any new music to recommend? My iPod is stale. How about traffic games? Anyone want to talk on the phone between 7:30am and 9:30am? Only not during Bird Note, of course. 

I wonder what I did to Karmically deserve this.

December 6, 2006 | Whinging

The other night, SB wanted to go out for dinner, but I wanted to stay in. We compromised by going to one of those fancy grocery stores for various treats to eat while watching a movie.

When we pulled up to the fancy store, all a glitter with holiday magic, I prepared to excitedly leap from the car. That was when I noticed something weird on the floor of the car…

and on my shoe…

AND ON MY PURSE which was on the floor next to my feet.

That’s right. Not only did I step in the hugest pile of dog shit ever shat, it was all over the floor of the car AND on my favorite red purse. In the stitching even!

Thank goodness fancy grocery stores have nice public bathrooms. Once inside, I discovered that the poo was not just contained to the rubbery parts of my shoe, there was poo up the sides of my shoe, even stuck in the little holes.

While furiously trying to remove the poo from both my shoes and my purse, I got poo under my finger nails.

(I’ll pause here for that to sink in. Under. My. Fingernails.)

I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed, and eventualy joined SB in the heavenly bakery, where I received the appropriate amount of sympathy.  I then busied myself in the pardisiacal produce section, trying desperately to erase the poo images from my mind, compulsively sniffing my fingers every few minutes to make sure I couldn’t smell anything.

Then I went home and kicked my neighbor’s asses for allowing their dog to take a dump on my curb grass. Not really. But I gave them the stink eye (ha!) on my way in the house.

So, no matter what this Wednesday may be throwing at you, just be glad there isn’t any poo on your purse.