Sometimes the posts just write themselves.

January 11, 2010 | We Are Family

Last night, I precariously added something to the house of cards that is our overflowing recycling. Since I’ve got my bloggles securely fastened these days, I decided to take a picture of it. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, but I decided to snap a picture anyway. Everyone has one of these right?

In our house, taking out the recycling is SB’s job. As with most things related to tidiness, SB’s threshold is much higher than mine. Which is why the scene that unfolded was so hilarious, when he walked into the kitchen and found me kneeling in front of the recycling.

Him: What are you taking a picture of?

Me. [snickering] Uh, nothing.

SB then goes over there and INVESTIGATES THE AREA, then turns to me and says,

Him: Now I’m really curious!

Me: [further laughing at his expense, retreating to office to jot down this exchange.]

Ladies and gentlemen, even when his attention is drawn to it, he still doesn’t see it. Good thing he’s so cute.

Ho Ho Ho

December 26, 2009 | Bits and Bobs, Travel, We Are Family

Hey Friends! I have a few minutes before Christmas Round Two begins, so I thought I’d pop in here and say howdy. The inlaws are on their way from Eastern Washington as we speak. I am reserving commentary. None of them know about this blog, nor are they web savvy enough to find it, let’s just say that it’s the holiday season and I’m feeling charitable.

Did Santa bring you all nice things? My favorite gifts were photography related, of course. I got this which will allow me to take dreamy looking old timey photos with my camera, and this spy lens, which will allow me to take pictures of people who don’t want to be photographed. HA! I’m actually most excited to use it for taking pictures of strangers on the street.

The main reason I came here today was to ask the advice of the seasoned mothers among you. In 3 days we will be leaving for NEW YORK CITY. Woot! (Long time readers will remember previous New Year’s trips, found here and here) We didn’t go last year because Clark was brand new, but we’re resuming our tradition! The fabulous friends we visit there have a kid now, too, so instead of a glamorous Manhattan New Year’s Eve, we will be celebrating in a rented cabin Upstate. We are so excited! HOWEVER, this little jaunt requares a long ass plane ride with our increasing sqirrelly and screechy 1 year old. So, ladies, bring on the tips and tricks. I’ve been collecting never before seen toys and planning snacks, but anything you can suggest would be greatly appreciated. The flight out there is a red eye, which could be awesome or TERRIBLE, but the flight back is an afternoon/evening. Also, what the heck am I supposed to do about the time change? Should I keep his schedule or try to make him conform to the East coast?

I hope everyone had great holidays! I have tons of disgustingly adorable photos of course, but not the time for uploading and editing and whatnot. Gah. I need to shower and plan a menu and get to the store before they get here so I better scram. Please fill my comments with all your tips for surviving travel, and inlaws, too.

Blue Genes

March 25, 2009 | Clark, We Are Family

We have a pair of jeans that were my Dad’s when he was a baby. These suckers are almost 60 years old! There are pictures of me, my sister, and some of the cousins wearing them. We almost forgot all about them, and Clark had to wear them without a diaper to get them to fit. Of course, he peed on the precious family heirloom before the end of the photo shoot.

Here is my Dad wearing them at 3 months old. He is apparently a starving immigrant child.

Things to notice: HOT grandma. How did she have time to paint her toes? Also, she apparently avoided Mom Butt.

And here’s Clark!

Things to notice: The rocking chair is also an heirloom. My Dad bought it for my Mom when she was pregnant with me. Both my sister and I were rocked in it and now I have it. And those feet! I had no idea that they were so big until we compared them to Clark’s little friend Viola’s, whose are like, half the size. He gets them from his Dad, for sure. That toe stacking thing? Totally SB.

What was that, dear?

February 18, 2009 | We Are Family

On Sunday night, my mom watched Clark and SB and I went out on a date. The plan was to see Slumdog Millionaire and go out for dinner, but of course, it took us longer than we thought to get out the door, feed him once more when we got to Grandmas, etc. But since we missed the movie, we decided to go out for dinner and then go back to our house and DO IT instead. Heh Heh.

We went to Stanley’s and sat in the bar. Lovely Tacoma was spread out all twinkly below, I was drinking a cocktail, and no one required anything of me. SB and I kept giggling a little every now and then because we were going to DO IT later. All was right with the world.

SB and I had already discussed by this point that we were pretty sure our waitress was high. She was friendly, but super spacey, and we needed to ask for everything twice. We weren’t in a hurry, though, so it was all good. She had just brought me my second drink when she goes…

Stoned Waitress: Are you a model?

Me: No! (blushing while desperately trying to swallow food and smile)

Stoned Waitress: Really? Because you have, like, perfect features.

Me: Thank you! (food is now swallowed, though I’m sure there’s something in my teeth)

Stoned Waitress: Do people tell you that all the time?

Me: No…(laughing uncomfortably, but smiling really big. Everyone loves a compliment)

She walked away and I turned back to SB, sitting up a little straighter, about to take back the mocking I’d done about her baked-ness, when SB made a tragic mistake.

SB: (Snort) She’s totally just trying to save her tip.

Me: (silence)

Me: You are such as asshole. Someone pays me a compliment and you say she just wants a tip?

SB: (silence while realization dawns)

SB: Please still have sex with me! (back pedal back pedal back pedal)

Uh huh. That’s what I thought. Jerk.

SB is totally “that guy”

September 9, 2008 | We Are Family

We’ve had really disruptive, LOUD, irritating construction on our street for approximately 1000 years. Really, since, like, MAY. There’ve been entire weeks where we’ve had to park two blocks away, fighting with all of the other people on our block, plus the people who actually live on that block for parking. And the noise! We are SO TIRED of the noise. They’ve completely replaced the street, which means they used one of those big digging machines to BANG CRASH CRACK the old street into small pieces, then scoop up the bits and SLAM THUNDER DROP them into the back of a waiting BEEP BEEP GROWL dumptruck. Not only that, they ripped up my parking strip area, that we JUST flattened and re-seeded, and now it looks all shitty. Anyway, we’re annoyed, clearly.

A couple of mornings ago, it was a work at home day, which means I got to sleep in until the delicious hour of 8am. They’d told us they were done. We hadn’t even seen them for a few days. We were growing accustomed to the peace and quiet. But then… BEEP CRASH BANG GROWL… at 7am on the dot. As we’ve exclaimed many times in the last 4 months, SB yelled, “I HATE THEM SO MUCH!” I was trying really hard not to wake up all the way, but then I felt him leap from the bed, stomp into the bathroom, and put on his robe. As I heard him stomping down the stairs, I wondered what he was doing, but kept trying to sleep. But then, I heard the front door open! And SB shouting at the workers, “HEY! I thought you guys couldn’t start until 8 o’clock!”

I couldn’t believe it! He actually went outside and yelled at them in his bathrobe! Isn’t that awesome? He’s totally that guy in the hood, shaking his fist and yelling at the construction workers in his bathrobe!

A few minutes later, a very nice worker guy came over and said that actually, they can start at 7, and that today would be the last day.

There is no more to this story. I wish I had a better ending. But I wanted to tell you that I’m married to “that guy” and get the baby guts picture off the top of my page. Thank you.

Poor SB.

August 14, 2008 | We Are Family

Even fortune cookies are bossing him around.

My fortune: You will do well to concentrate on practical mattters this week.
Translation: Get shit done.

SB’s fortune: Now is the time for peace in your life. Go along with other’s ideas.
Translation: Do whatever she says.

This one may be a little TMI, but it was funny, so of course I must share.

August 12, 2008 | We Are Family

In the midst of our massive clean, shuffle, and purge this weekend, we once again ran across the big, heavy, useless piece of crap, otherwise known as a safe we could no longer get into. Several years ago, SB thought it was super spy-like to have a safe, and was seduced by one on clearance at Target. When we were both waiting tables, we used to keep our tips in there, and it was kinda cool to have a bunch of cash and our passports stashed inside. But it was the kind of safe that needed a combination AND a key, and we lost the key ages ago. Since then, it has been, as I said, a big, heavy, useless piece of crap. Unfortunately, it was not empty, which is why we were holding on to it.

So… about 5 years ago now, on a crazy trip to Amsterdam, we made a naughty video. Yes, that kind of naughty video. Upon returning home, it was labeled DANGER and put in the safe. I would have gotten rid of it, but of course, a naughty video was exactly the kind of thing SB wanted to keep in his spy safe. This is why we were holding onto the big, heavy, useless piece of crap. There was NO WAY IN HELL that thing was ever leaving the house with that tape still inside. I would have carried that thing around for the rest of my life if I’d had to. In fact, I guess I would’ve had to have been buried with it.

On saturday, SB decided to try to crack the safe. He started with his lock picking set. (More faux spy stuff. Nerd!) I, as the Negative Nelly I can be, told him that since he can barely pick the lock on the bathroom door, that he was never going to manage that safe. He eventually agreed, and spent the next two hours going to town on that thing with every power tool possible, and finally got it open. SB, the safe cracker.

He triumphantly handed me the tape in the kitchen, and then rummaged for something in the tool drawer. I asked him to hand me that hammer, and he obediently did so.

As I began smashing the tape to smithereens, I was suddenly stopped by his girly shriek. I turned to see tears forming in his dewy eyes.

Apparently, we had different motivations for getting that tape out of the safe. He shoudn’t have handed me the hammer.

Yay for weddings!

July 15, 2008 | We Are Family

Let’s move on, shall we? I don’t like seeing so much bitching at the top of my page. Let me show you some fun pictures from my cousin’s wedding over the weekend, instead.

Firstly, here is a picture of the gift I got for them, which I was quite proud of. I went to Target and dutifully printed out their registry, but I didn’t want to buy anything on it. So, I decided that I have good taste and am capable of purchasing off the registry. I know everyone thinks this and they’re usually wrong, but look! I did good.

So cute! I loved the pineapple colander and the random kitchen things they probably don’t have and the useful, quality kitchen towels. Well done, no?

The wedding took place here, an old time-y theater in Puyallup, where incidentally, my Dad had his first job as an usher, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

Here we have me and the marrying cousin, my sister and another cousin. Marrying cousin is TALL. He’s sitting and we’re standing.

And look! His bride is tall, too! I love that he didn’t choose some teeny tiny girl who would look just fine with someone 5′9″.

And how cute is this picture of my Dad and my uncle?

Here is my family! I think this is an impressive self portrait, don’t you?

Anyway, it was a fun night. Of all the cousins on that side, this is only our second wedding, so it was special to have everyone together and all dressed up. There was a slideshow with a bunch of pictures of us all as little kids, so that was a nice surprise. All that family togetherness made me think that my kids won’t have lots of aunts and uncles, and as it looks now, maybe not even any cousins. That’s so sad! I know that they will have stand-ins in the forms of my friends and their kids, but I wish English had some sort of word for your chosen family.

I love my Freya.

April 10, 2008 | We Are Family

It’s been a while since I have posted the cuteness that is Freya. 

I love how she lays with her paws all ladylike.

She has a great sense of humor. When she’s really happy and waggily and you ask her a question, she responds with a decisive CHOMP sound. The other day, SB was in the middle of watching ridiculous hours of Sci-fi, which I refer to as Sci-suck. Freya hung out with him for a while, but then she came to see what I was doing.

SB: Hey! Where are you going?

Me: She doesn’t like Sci-suck. She finds it juvenile, don’t you Freya?

Freya: CHOMP. 

She has excellent timing.

Sorely Disappointed

March 24, 2008 | We Are Family

On a recent evening, SB prepared a delicious dinner that was ready when I got home from my nightly two hour traffic battle.  As we were finishing up he said, “I also got a special dessert treat from days of yore.”

Ooh, thought I. Smores? A chocolate digestive, perhaps?

Nope.

Are you kidding me? 

He knows now that he is not ever to offer a “special dessert treat” when all he can deliver is scary exploding candy made from god knows what. There better AT LEAST be chocolate involved if you’re offering me anything of a questionable nature that we used to eat long ago, before we knew about the dangers of sugar, and you know, chemicals.