5th (!) Annual Birthday Goal Post

Can you believe this is the 5th time I’ve done this? As always, I’m making resolutions on my birthday rather than at New Year’s because I’m pretty useless in the dead of winter. Let’s see how I did. Here’s what I said last year:

1. Keep improving my photography. Not just the quality of my images, but all the related technical aspects. I want to know how to use everything in Lightroom, and to continue rocking my Manual Mode. Keep learning, too. Attend as many seminars or workshops as I can. And always remember that I love it. Trust my eye. And if I say it’s a good picture, it is. Don’t get stuck imagining the criticism of my peers.

I think I did really well with this one. Thanks to my d300s I got this year, and my increased confidence, I pretty much always think my pictures rock. Pardon my lack of humility! I always shoot in Manual mode now, and even if sometimes during a shoot I wonder if I’m getting anything, I’m ALWAYS pleased and shocked at what I’ve shot when I open the files later on the big screen. I love photography so much! As for the learning and training aspect, I’m a wiz at Lightroom now, I went to the Pictage Partner Con in New Orleans last fall and got my geek on, and I recently took a class at the Nikon School. There’s so much to learn!

2. By this time next year, I want to be in the height of fitness again. And I want to appreciate it. I think back to the time, around the fall before I got pregnant, when I was going to Bikram 3-5 times a week and being asked to DEMONSTRATE POSES TO THE CLASS. Did I appreciate my awesomeness? No! And I probably still would have told you I needed to lose weight, because I am a stoopid stoopid girl. If I ever get back there again, I’m going to KNOW I’m strong and powerful, and I’m going to be kind to my body.

Well, I wouldn’t say I’m at the HEIGHT of fitness, but I am back down to my pre-pregnancy weight and I’m training for a half marathon. Woot! As for the rest of it, such is the burden of the female, I suppose. I would say that I feel pretty good about myself right now, though. Spending 9 months pregnant, then over a year feeling not my best has definitely given me an appreciation for clothes that fit and a husband who still thinks I’m hot.

3. I want to become a more positive person. Lately, I’ve been trying to repeat to myself over and over that I’m too blessed to be stressed. It’s SO TRUE. I mean seriously, on a global scale, you , me, and everyone we know has hit the freaking jackpot. Again with the awareness. I want to always appreciate how incredibly awesome my life is. Also, negative thoughts cause wrinkles. It’s true.

Hmm. This one is interesting to me. I’ve recently started seeing a therapist for the very first time, and she is helping me to be kinder to myself, realize the ridiculously high expectations I set, and also, to see that since Clark was born I’ve felt totally out of whack. It’s telling to note that when I wrote this, 5 months after birth, I was beating myself up about being negative, when the gloom and doom I was feeling may have been a bit out of my control. So, while I see this is a great goal, I’m gonna have to give myself a bit of a pass on this one.

4. Be the best mother I can be. I don’t mean this in a ’setting expectations too high’ kind of way, or a ‘never letting him eat dirt’ kind of way, just that he deserves my best effort always. Ensuring his health, well-being, and prosperity as a human are my most important jobs in this life. I hope to always remember this. My alma matter, PLU’s mission statement is “educating for lives of service”, and without sounding to matyr-y or like I’m always going to let him have his way, I want to think of parenting as service to the person I want him to grow into.

This is a wonderful goal, and I think I do a good job almost all the time. I know the mothers among you will know what I mean when I say, I know when I’m not at my best. Sometimes there’s a fish-flopping, writhing toddler who doesn’t want to get their diaper changed and he’s getting poop all over the place and I can feel the tension rise and hear it in my voice. These are not my best moments. I try to keep them as infrequent as possible. But otherwise, we MUST be doing a good job because my boy is the best thing since sliced bread.

5. So, Spanish and the Guitar. I’m hoping that we do some traveling in the next year where I can get some practice on the Spanish. And as for the guitar, as much as I wanted my kids to grow up in a musical household, it may just have to be when he’s a little older. So, consider the slack cut on that one for this year.

Blergh. No traveling, no spanish, no guitar. I even lent it to my sister so SHE could learn to play it. I’m inspired lately by the couple of families I know that are taking lessons all together with their 8-ish year olds. Perhaps there’s hope for us yet!

Okay. Goals for 2010.

1. This one is sort of nebulous, but I hope I have myself figured out by next year. Man. Before Clark, I knew who I was and what I wanted, but now I feel like a mess most of the time. Things are definitely getting back on track with my job (I got one! more later!) and fitness and whatnot, but SO MUCH has changed in the past year or so that I feel so floaty. I strive for more present moment awareness of my super blessed life and more balance in general.

2. I hope to have figured out how to have a regular work out routine in my life by next year. Clark is older now, so it’s getting easier, but I still find it hard to make it happen. I’ve learned that I am VERY unhappy and a touch crazy if I don’t get that serotonin boost from regular exercise. That’s probably half my problem this year. I hope to report success at the Seattle Rock and Roll Half, the DoubleDay, and at least 2 other events.

3. I want to continue to give my all to being a mom. When I read this next April, I want to be able to say, “my boy is still the most awesome little dude ever and I’ve got him figured out.” He’s the only thing that Really Matters, you know? Sometimes I forget that.

4. I want to get better about letting others know how much I love and appreciate them. I used to be the QUEEN of sending birthday cards and nice notes and pictures and whatnot, and understandably, that has slipped in the last year or so. It makes me so happy, and I hope it brings a smile to the recipients, too.

5. If by this time next year I’m not with child again, let this be a reminder that I better hop to it. As it is, I will already be of “advanced maternal age”.

As always, my dear friends, thanks for tolerating all of this navel gazing. And thank you SO MUCH for taking the time out of your day to pop over here and read my drivel. I appreciate you!