Epic.
May 7, 2009 | Navel Gazing
So, I haven’t gotten around to that Goal Post yet, but I will. First I have to tell you about the AMAZING past few days we’ve had. Believe it or not, we took Clark with us to San Francisco. On an airplane. Dude has never been to the mall, he’s only been to the grocery store once, but we took him to San Francisco. On the way to the airport, after accomplishing the feat that is packing for yourself AND your baby, I kept thinking, this is no big deal. And then I’d be like, Um, No, it’s a HUGE DEAL. HUGE.
And you know what? We survived. Not only that, it went really well! Clark exceeded expectations left and right. He was great on the plane. He only fussed a little on the hot, longass airporter ride. He slept just as he usually does, on a queen size bed further away from me than he’s ever slept. He learned to love his Ergo carrier. I’m telling you, it really feels like we turned a corner.
We went to San Fran so that I could attend a photography workshop. I could go on and on, and I probably will in future posts, but should you be interested in such things, Me Ra Koh, the photographer who put it on, did a post about the first day here. It’s a great post with lovely pictures detailing our first day of the workshop, and also the first night meet and greet, seen below:
Yep.
It was called the “Discovery Workshop” and boy, do I have some discovery to do. That picture just kind of says it all. Who the heck am I? Sorry to get all navel-gazey on you, but this thing really had me “discovering” to say the least.
I can’t seem to figure out who I’m supposed to be now. I’ll preface by saying, every mom must go through this, so bring on the thoughts in the comments. It’s just that I used to define myself by my career, by my extreme fitness routines, by my cruise director-y social life…and I don’t have any of those things anymore. I have different things, better things, but now that we’re coming out of the newborn fog, who am I supposed to be? Am I supposed to try to recapture the old me, or make a new me? And if it’s a new me, who is she?
Anyway, the workshop helped me to articulate all that for the first time. I’d been feeling it, but hadn’t been specific about what was bugging me. SO, the Goal Post is coming, as well as a New Career, but I have some mulling to do.
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May 7th, 2009 at 6:22 pm, hliv Says:
I think you hit the nail on the head Jenny. I am still figuring it out, and Anika just turned four this week. For me, I am learning to just listen to what my heart tells me about what I am supposed to be doing, and then getting all the ducks in a row so that I can make that happend. For example: not working next year. I NEVER thought I would be a sahm (or that we could afford for me to be one)….I AM what I do. How could I give that up? Of course that is a totally f’d up way of thinking, and I am looking forward to doing what my heart is telling me for once. Having kids has forced me to let it all go, and just BE in the moment. Live for the moment. What a blessing.
May 7th, 2009 at 6:23 pm, hliv Says:
p.s. looking forward to BEING with you in just a little over a month!
May 7th, 2009 at 8:58 pm, Amy Says:
While I have many thoughts on your post that could reflect on your ever amazing way of creating authentic prose that simply tell the truth… the only thing that keeps popping in my head is: dude, you all have to get out more:) The grocery store once may turn into mommy insanity!
So glad you had a fantastic trip! Ditto to Heather – can’t WAIT to see you!
May 8th, 2009 at 12:15 am, dahli Says:
Alright! I can’t wait to hear more!!
xoxo
May 8th, 2009 at 9:40 am, Victoria Says:
Google Inanna’s journey to the underworld
“Through Inanna’s example, we learn that the most profound, most earth-shaking experiences — the ones that come to us as a “death” of the old self and “rebirth” of the new — take immense will and sacrifice to achieve. They come only when we are willing and able to strip all our defenses, all our signs of status, all shields between the images we project, and who we are at the core. When we are willing to do this, the transformations come.”
Motherhood strips us to the core. Everything else is a bonus for when you get more sleep. If all that can be gone, and you can still love yourself…then life is good!
xoxoxo
V.
May 18th, 2009 at 10:51 pm, Jenny Says:
hliv: That is so comforting and so frightening at the same time.
I can’t wait to see you, either!
amy: I know, girl, I know. I am the first to admit I have been a crazy person.
dahli: XOXO
Victoria: Thanks, my dear friend.