In the midst of our massive clean, shuffle, and purge this weekend, we once again ran across the big, heavy, useless piece of crap, otherwise known as a safe we could no longer get into. Several years ago, SB thought it was super spy-like to have a safe, and was seduced by one on clearance at Target. When we were both waiting tables, we used to keep our tips in there, and it was kinda cool to have a bunch of cash and our passports stashed inside. But it was the kind of safe that needed a combination AND a key, and we lost the key ages ago. Since then, it has been, as I said, a big, heavy, useless piece of crap. Unfortunately, it was not empty, which is why we were holding on to it.
So… about 5 years ago now, on a crazy trip to Amsterdam, we made a naughty video. Yes, that kind of naughty video. Upon returning home, it was labeled DANGER and put in the safe. I would have gotten rid of it, but of course, a naughty video was exactly the kind of thing SB wanted to keep in his spy safe. This is why we were holding onto the big, heavy, useless piece of crap. There was NO WAY IN HELL that thing was ever leaving the house with that tape still inside. I would have carried that thing around for the rest of my life if I’d had to. In fact, I guess I would’ve had to have been buried with it.
On saturday, SB decided to try to crack the safe. He started with his lock picking set. (More faux spy stuff. Nerd!) I, as the Negative Nelly I can be, told him that since he can barely pick the lock on the bathroom door, that he was never going to manage that safe. He eventually agreed, and spent the next two hours going to town on that thing with every power tool possible, and finally got it open. SB, the safe cracker.
He triumphantly handed me the tape in the kitchen, and then rummaged for something in the tool drawer. I asked him to hand me that hammer, and he obediently did so.
As I began smashing the tape to smithereens, I was suddenly stopped by his girly shriek. I turned to see tears forming in his dewy eyes.
Apparently, we had different motivations for getting that tape out of the safe. He shoudn’t have handed me the hammer.
BWHAHAHA! What did he THINK you were going to do with the hammer anyway?
(and note to self: Target safes can be broken into. Got it. Check.)
oh, sad. I think I would’ve wanted it smashed too, but only after one last viewing, just for old time’s sake.
xo
Well, just to hit it home, he shouldn’t have handed you that hammer!
We once found a VHS tape on the top shelf of the closet upon moving into a new rental. There were polaroids inside the sleeve that hinted at what was on the tape, which we never watched but left on the top shelf of the closet for more adventurous renters. I wonder if the former tenants ever have an “I wonder whatever happened to that tape…” moment.
Omigosh. I can’t stop laughing.
For odd-ball pondering: Which not-for-distribution likely-includes-a-money-shot amateur videos do you think there are more of out there … ones like what you just destroyed, or full-on graphic childbirth videos …
OMG! This is the first time I have ever typed OMG! Too funny! I want to hear this told out loud around a campfire when our kids are our age! I demand it.
I can’t imagine a better use for your blog! Hilarious!
That’s the funniest thing! My coworker probably wonders why I just burst out into laughter…
HAAA. THAT IS HILARIOUS. Truly.
OMG – so funny. I just burst out laughing at work. Thank you for that. I would be way too scared to ever make a video let alone have it in the house. You are so lucky you got that thing out!
That’s hilarious.
Yay, yay, yay! I heart this story – thank you for sharing!