This is not a post about New York.
January 5, 2008 | Uncategorized
I bring you instead, a Saturday Night Mystery.
I’ve been sick with the plague the last couple of days. I am PERFECTLY happy to be home on a Saturday night, resting, futzing around, reorganizing life, etc. SB, however, needed to get out, so he is out having fun with people I would like to see, but alas, I have the plague. I sort of wish he’d stayed home with me, but on the other hand, it’s nice to be able to do whatever I want.
SB is also on one of his annoying uber-training kicks and is eating mostly air and cantaloupe. Since I was here all alone, and Mr. PlainChickenBreast was out, I decided to order a pizza, all extravant-like. I was in no position to go pick up a proper pizza, so I have to admit it, I went with a chain. (This is particularly depressing having just come form New York City) I called them up, ordered, paid with my debit card, and started catching up on all my blogs while I waited for my pie.
About 45 minutes later, I started to get annoyed. (And hangry.) I waited another 10 minutes, then I called them. I was put on hold for a really long time, so I hung up, figuring, it’s Saturday night, they’re busy, it’ll be here in a few minutes. Then I read some more blogs.
After it had been an hour and a half since I ordered, I called them again. I politely explained to a teenaged girl that I had ordered a pizza a really long time ago and I was just calling to make sure it was still coming. I was transferred to a manger to whom I told my tale again, and was then put on hold for a distressing length of time.
When he came back, he told me that my pizza had been delivered an hour ago and that I had signed for it. I assured him that, um, no, I am Jenny, I live at this address, and I am POSITIVE that there is no pizza here. (Have I mentioned I was hangry? And getting hangrier by the second?) His tone suggested he thought I was lying, but he said he would call back with more information when the driver returned.
When he called back, he told me that he had the slip, and that it was signed by Jenny. I told him again, OH MY GOD. DUDE. THERE IS NO PIZZA HERE. He asked the driver to describe who had signed for the pizza and I heard her say that they had wrapping paper on their door and that it was a man and a woman who answered. Finally! Evidence that I am not trying to pull some elaborate pizza scam. I insisted to the guy, sounding crazier all the time, “There’s a wreath on my door! And I’m home alone! This proves it was the wrong house!”
So, he says they’ll send out another pizza. When it arrives, a manager-type guy informs me that it will be free, and I have a credit for another free large pizza on my account. He also gives me the slip with the forged signature on it and tells me that they have called the cops. Obviously, they know who did it. What dumbasses!
After I shut the door, pizza finally in hand, I saw him take a picture of the front door with his cell phone, gathering evidence for the case.
Isn’t that crazy? So, someone was hanging out, and then there was a knock on the door and it’s a pizza! I wonder when they decided to roll with it? Were they counting on the fact that it was already paid for? Or, were they going to pay for it, even though it might not have been something they liked?
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January 5th, 2008 at 11:49 pm, ~e Says:
I love your blog voice, Jenny. I’m envious of it. “Hangry.” I wonder if you come up with this shit or see it on other blogs or use it in your everyday vernacular or have a cool-word dictionary but you do this all the time. I love it. Cheers for being so crisply entertaining. I wish I had that knack.
And where are the NY pictures? We are jonsing for the QT on new years in the big apple. Sorry for the bossiness but we are getting hangrier by the day out here in Hong Kong land. lol
Can’t wait for the follow up on the pizza caper. Maybe you could put your sister on it in her free time.
January 6th, 2008 at 2:39 am, dahli Says:
wtf?! silly people. i hope they get the book thrown at em’.
xo
January 6th, 2008 at 12:33 pm, dahli Says:
p.s. what is the faux Jenny thinking? Doesn’t she know that you would never wrap your door with wrapping paper? Everyone knows that.
January 6th, 2008 at 3:50 pm, Edward Says:
Welcome to the era of ubiquitous surveillance. On the plus side, fraud (and many other crimes) is getting more difficult to successfully perpetrate. On the minus side, pizza delivery people are necessarily documenting where and how you live.
It’s kinda neat to be living through the end (I suspect) of the Western experiment in this notion of privacy.
January 6th, 2008 at 6:14 pm, Constance Says:
That is NUTS!
January 6th, 2008 at 7:24 pm, tacomachickadee Says:
Oh, hon. I feel for ya. I have the plague too … apparently it’s a cross-country plague. Sigh. I hope the pizza was at least half-way decent …
January 7th, 2008 at 6:04 am, Camille Says:
My favorite word when I’m super famished is fungry.
Why would anyone wrap their door in wrapping paper? Wouldn’t it melt after all the rain and snow?
January 7th, 2008 at 7:47 am, beth c Says:
We had the plague over New Years’ Eve/New Years’ Day. It was like having the hangover with no fun party beforehand to make up for it. I’m glad the plague at least waited for you to return from your trip before catching up with you!
January 7th, 2008 at 9:45 am, Jenny Says:
e: Oh stop!
I don’t think I made up ‘hangy’ the perfect combination of hungry and angry, but it has been a part of my vernacular for quite some time. – NYC updates soon to follow, I promise.
dahli: I know, right? Door wrapping is only appropriate in your freshman year dorm.
Ed: *sigh* You’re so right.
Constance: I know! You should have heard me insisting there was no pizza, and them INSISTING that I had signed for it…
chickadee: I do find Papa John’s thin crust pizza with extra cheese satisfying. Of course, only in it’s own, thin greasy way. Not at all the same as a PSP or Katie Downs.
Camille: Fungry! I love it! I shall use it when I am in the stage before Hangry.
beth c: LAME! I can’t believe how sick I was! It was at least convenient, as you say. I completely missed out on the whole weekend, though.
January 7th, 2008 at 11:00 am, jamie Says:
Good non-chain pizza places that deliver: Cerello’s and Cloverleaf.
January 7th, 2008 at 11:58 am, Jenny Says:
Will they deliver to The Hilltop? I doubt it for the Cloverleaf, too far. Will need to researth this Cerello’s.
Pizza is about the last thing we ever use a chain for, if we can help it. Besides the grocery store, I guess. Bring on the T-town co-op!
January 7th, 2008 at 12:57 pm, jamie Says:
Not sure how far east the Cloverleaf will go. We’re on Pine St and they’ll come to our house, but I suppose they could stop at Sprague…
Cerello’s is out near Center and Orchard, and they put together a pretty mean pizza. Not gourmet by any measure, but nice basic goodness.
January 8th, 2008 at 6:04 am, ~e Says:
Dude! I got a happy face from the Jenn. I’m stoked. More stroking to follow.