Private Bathroom Behavior
April 12, 2007 | I'm so ashamed.
I wanna talk about private bathroom behavior. Nothing gross, just stuff you do when you’re alone. You know what I mean? Usually these things are only for your home potty. In public, you do your business and get out, all efficient like. But some public bathrooms, if you use them all the time and they’re clean, can achieve the comfortability of your home potty, like the one at work. (right?)
So, a couple of weeks ago, I was at Workplace and I was still in the deer in the headlights faze. Every moment of the day was spent with my shoulders up by ears and my eyebrows raised, trying desperately to look like I was keeping up. Because of this, the bathroom was like a little oasis. It was the only time in the day when I relaxed a little, when no one was asking anything stressful of me.
On one of these trips, I found the bathroom on my floor blissfully silent. I went in to a stall, and after I peed, I sat there for a minute taking deep breaths, trying to relax a little. Then, I maybe picked at my nail polish a bit, blew my nose, and spit shined a smudge off my boot.
When I finally exited the stall, I decided to check myself out a bit in the nice, big, full length mirror they have in there. We don’t have a full length mirror at home, just one where you can see down to about your knees. I can never see my whole outfit at the same time. So, I checked out how my boots looked with my slacks, (I determined they were a hair too short to wear with such a high heel) and you know I peered over my shoulder, performing the patented ‘check out your own ass’ spinal twist.
I had completed my lengthy examination and had just started to wash my hands when I HEARD A SHUFFLE from deep in the corner of the handicap stall. OH MY GOD. I immediately turned off the water, and FLED, skipping the paper towels and drying my hands on my pants. I felt like I had been caught masturbating or something, like someone had observed the most private of acts.
That poor lady. I’m sure she was waiting for me to get the hell out of the bathroom so that she could fart or whatever, and there I was taking nine years because I thought I was alone.
I don’t really have a point. Maybe the point is, save your P.B.B for home, but now I’m wondering if I’m alone in this. Do you do this kind of stuff at work too?
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April 12th, 2007 at 11:38 pm, dahli Says:
you are not alone.
I talk to myself a lot. a whole lot. & the stall in the restroom (even though there are many other stalls there) somehow gives me the illusion that no one else can hear me think out loud. I have a few embarassing moments thanks to that little quirk of mine.
April 13th, 2007 at 12:15 pm, Beth Says:
That poor lady. And I’ll totally engage in PBB, but only after checking for feet to make sure no one’s marooned.
April 13th, 2007 at 6:37 pm, beth c Says:
Since I work at a middle school where the only ’staff only’ bathroom is clear at the other end of the building, I always end up using the kid bathroom right across from my classroom, as quickly as possible. But for some reason, I use the same stall every time.
April 14th, 2007 at 7:20 am, Jesse Says:
I have a poop stall and I never stay long if someone else is in there. Also, I can’t pee if someone is in the stall next to me not peeing. I just sit there in mortified silence until they go, trying to coax out my fickle stream. Somehow I think I’ll be judged by the way my pee hits the toilet. “Oh, she’s a week pee-er, she must be (insert judgement here).”
I need therapy.
April 18th, 2007 at 10:24 am, Jenny Says:
Dahli: I can totally picture you doing that. I love it!
Beth: Yes, of course, but this particular bathroom has such a large handicap stall, you would have to get down on the floor at an awkward angle to tell if someone was in there, so I usually rely on my ears.
beth c: I also use the smae stall every time. I wonder what that’s all about. I guesss i thingk I am using an odd stall, that maybe isn’t used as often?
Jesse: That’s so funny because I think my pee sounds like a waterfall and I always thought it wasn’t a dainty sounding pee like others’.
April 20th, 2007 at 1:44 pm, JayAre Says:
I totally used to do that stuff when I worked at a law firm and had a nice, clean one-holer private bathroom. But now that I work in a restaurant, I’m constantly not only in the midst of strangers, but under scrutiny by them. “Did she really wash her hands long enough? Did she just touch her hair?”